Tashlich is the symbolic act of casting away one’s sins by throwing bread crumbs into a body of water, usually during the High Holiday season.

Some people have asked what kind of bread crumbs they should throw. Since bread isn’t healthy for the birds that gobble them up, our shul will be using birdseed this year. But that shouldn’t keep us from enjoying the humor of these bread choices:

For ordinary sins: White bread

For exotic sins: French bread

For dark sins: Pumpernickel

For complex sins: Multigrain

For twisted sins: Pretzels

For tasteless sins: Rice cakes

For sins of indecision: Waffles

For sins committed in haste: Matzah

For sins committed in fewer than 18 minutes: Shmurah matzah

For sins of chutzpah: Fresh bread

For committing arson: Toast

For silliness: Nut bread

For not giving full value: Shortbread

For jingoism: Yankee Doodles

For excessive use of irony: Rye bread

For telling bad jokes: Cornbread

For being money-hungry: Enriched bread or raw dough

For warmongering: Kaiser rolls

For immodest dressing: Tarts

For causing injury or damage to others: Tortes

For davening off-key: Flatbread

For being holier-than-thou: Bagels

For unfairly upbraiding another: Challah

For trashing the environment: Dumplings

For sins of laziness: A long loaf

For sins of pride: Puff pastry

For lying: Baked goods made with NutraSweet and Olestra

For wearing tasteless hats: Tam Tams

For the sins of the righteous: Angel food cake

For selling your soul: Devil’s food cake

For lust in your heart: Wonder Bread

For substance abuse: Stoned Wheat

For heavy drugs: Poppy seed bread

For petty larceny: Stollen

For timidity: Milk toast

For risking one’s life unnecessarily: Hero bread

For being hypercritical: Pancakes

For political skulduggery: Bismarcks

For overeating: Stuffing bread or bulky rolls

For gambling: Fortune cookies

For abrasiveness: Grits

For being snappish: Gingerbread

For impetuosity: Quick bread

For incompetent child-rearing: Raisin bread

For negligent slip-ups: Banana bread

For dropping in without warning: Popovers

And this year, for questionable behavior: Wild birdseed